The TOP 40 Hair Metal Albums of All Time

I know this is not a genre most of you associate with me. It is one that I grew up with and many of the bands I still hold dear today dabbled in at some point in time, When the 80s were ranging I was not listening to the Cure, I did not get my interest peaked in them til 1990. I listened to music heavier and darker than this in the 80s for sure, but this was the sound of chasing girls at the mall and smoking pot in my cousins car.  I choose 40 since many of these acts represent a time when this kind of music cracked the top 40 . It was a time when MTV began to dominate so image became every thing. Many of these band would put out album that were not metal at all, nor would I consider them metal bands. Granted most are on the low end of the heavy scale, with a few evolvoing into something heavier. I will make a Top 40 Glam Rock albums of all time to clearly contrast the difference, glam rock being more in the vein of Bowie and T-REX. Yes, some of these artists also crossed over into glam , but hair metal has a more cock rocking flair to it and is less androgynous.

These albums are  more about doing cocaine and getting pussy, devoid of any political correctness, none of this would fly in 2020. It would get a hastag for sure. Any this list should speak for itself, in some cases it might not be the most popular album or the album that broke the band through , but the album I feel has the best songs when it comes to hair metal. Remember that as some of these bands have better heavy metal albums, but we are talking about the best to tease your hair up and get a blow job to. So here are the top 40 hair metal albums of all time.



40- Helix- "Long Way to Heaven" 1985 

 Unlike some of the albums that might crop up sooner than later, This album is the defining of the hair metal sound and was released right in the thick of it before it blew up and jocks were crusing in their Camaros to it.


 


39-Extreme - "s/t" 1989

These guys might have dripped with cheese , but are tremendous musicians and were at the more creative fringe of the genre.

 




 38-Kix- "Blow My Fuse" 1988

 Spoiler alert AC/DC are not on this list as they stayed pretty blues rock based , but they influenced the genre for sure. This is one band where you can hear that influence. This album is solidified on this list thanks to the powerful ballad ' Don't Close Your Eyes" from this album.


 


 37-Vains of Jenna - "Lit up/ Let Down" 2006 


 Yeah, I am including the hair metal revival bands from the Myspace days on here too. Some of them like this band, captured the feeling of the 80s in a real way.

 


 36-Steel Panther- "Lower the Bar"  2017

Yes you saw that right this is an album that came out only three years ago. It is also the first album written well enough by this band to make me take them seriously.Their last album did not retain my interest , but this one was on our 10 hard rock albums of the decade list.





 35-Pantera - "Power Metal" 1988 

 Before they were cowboys from hell , these dude were less fucking hostile and had their hair piled as high as the epic yodelling on this album.


 



34-the Darkness - "Permisson to Land"  2003



There is an odd new wave side to the best songs on this album, but they made an impressive attempt to kick their foot on the monitors for the bulk of the album.



 


 33-Shotgun Messiah- "s/t" -1989 


 This Swedish band boasts Tim Skold who went on to play with KMFDM and Marilyn Manson... see how things are coming full circle ?



 



32-Love / Hate-"Black Out in the Red Room" 1990



 Before alternative become a mainstream concept, these guy began to blend elements out of the norm like funk into what they did.



 



31- Bang Tango- "Psycho Cafe"



 Yeah psychedelic hair metal was a thing. These guys blended elements of the Cult into an AC/DC like attack. The shriek of Joe Leste painted them into this corner of metal.



 

the Top 10 Hard Rock Albums of 2019

It's that time of year again, to sort through the top 10 albums of all the respective genres, then use them, to compile the top 10 albums of the year. Later in the month I am making  the top 10 lists for the decade, though to be blunt  this is the decade's weakest year for music.  Especially when it comes to new artists,  there is only one new band on this list . We are once again defining hard rock as having more edge than rock, but not being metal, as how metal is defined by people who know music outside of the trailer park.  As in  past years I am  giving a brief explanation as to why these albums stand over their peers in lower positions on the list. The very fact these bands made it on the list speaks to how great these albums are so it's not a slight that the number 8 album is above the 9th album, there is something that just gives it an edge that makes me want to listen to it more.

After all we can try to look cool and pick the hippest bands for a list, but at the end of the day what makes an album the best is that it makes you want more, you look forward to listening to it again. Sure you can bitch and complain about your favorite band not being on the list. However  I listen to five new albums a day so yes I heard your favorite album and was not impressed. No,  I do not care what you think about it.   I do hope you can find your next favorite on this list  and  have included links to reviews of these albums if you want to check out audio on these guys. Anyways here are the top 10 hard rock  albums of 2019 .

10- Cold - "the Things We Can't Stop"

 This is more of an honorable mention. I am more invested in their first few albums . It brings back those memories though is more of a watered down reflection, but that is better than most of the bands they share streaming radio space with.

 https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/09/cold-things-we-cant-stop.html

9- Korn-"the Nothing"

 There first album is metal. This album has more of an edge than some of the more questionable choices they have made since "Issues". Their sense of groove has always been their strong point and this go around it feels like they actually give a shit again instead of just punching a clock and throwing dub step at thigs to see what sticks. That is enough to earn them the
 number 9 spot.


 https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/09/korn-nothing.html

8-Steel Panther- "Heavy Metal Rules "

 Perhaps the joke here is they are not a metal band, or are they that self aware. Even in the title track are not metal, Dokken , Van Halen and Kiss. The lyrics are still clever, perhaps not as on point as the previous album, but even when these guys punch the clock it's entertaining as they do not make music like this any more.

https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/09/steel-panther-heavy-metal-rules.html

7-Slipknot - "We Are Not Your Kind"


 Sure they have been raging against the label of nu-metal for years. While there is a fine line between mainstream metal and hard rock, I think all of the bandsw on the mainstream metal list who were just not heavy enough to make it on death metal or black metal lists are still heavier than what these guys are doing now. Heaviness aside they are writing some catch poppy rock dittys with an edge. This song writing is superior to that of Steel Panther.


 https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/08/slipknot-we-are-not-your-kind.html

6-He is Legend - "White Bat"


6 albums in you pretty much know what you are going to get from these guys. Though there might be a more spastic energy to this album than what I have heard from them in the past. If Corrosion of Conformity smokes a bunch of meth, the results might be the same. It is most interesting at it's most melodic. I think fans of this band will have little issue embracing this album. More real than Slipknot, they do not need gimmicks.


 https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/06/he-is-legend-white-bat.html

5-LA Guns -'The Devil You Know"


The band survived the 90s so they are not going to be giving up any time soon. I think the fact that they had more of a metal edge than their peers all along helps with this. Phil doesn't sound like he had aged. These guys are holding up better...musically than the bulk of their peers from these time. Yeah some of the guys in Skid Row or Motley Crue might look better, but these guys might have made their heaviest album yet, which is more than you can say for those bands. Easier listen than He is Legend as it's not as spastic.



https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/03/la-guns-devil-you-know.html

 4- A Pale Horse Called Death- "When the World Becomes Undone" 

 Of the two bands who have former members of Type O Negative in them, this one comes closer to upholding that legacy. The other is more psychedelic where these guys have more heft in their guitar playing. Heavy but not really metal due to some of it's more ambitious melodic leanings . The focus of the song writing puts them over their other peers on this list.


 https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/01/a-pale-horse-named-death-when-world.html

3-Emil Bull - "Mix Tape"

 This German band came out wit ha covers album that grew on me this year. The highlights of being their cover of the Killer's "Mr. Brightside " which they nailed and the Billie Ellish song "Crown" which is way better than the original because this guy puts some power to the chorus it lacked before.

https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/05/emil-bulls-mixtape.html

2- Brume- "Rabbits "

This female fronted band was not what I expected when I first heard them. They are melancholy in a manner that is close to doom with out packing that kind of punch. Instead it just works off sublime vocals . It's heavy without committing to being metal. The vocals tip the scale and give them the edge over most of their competition.


https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/11/november-doom-brume-rabbits.html

1- New Years Day- "Unbreakable"


 For mainstream rock bands in the post -nu metal world, I typically liked what this band does. Ash Costello's vocals seem to get better with every album. Slick arena sounding production helps the overall sound, but it is the hooks to their choruses that sell it. These are strong songs and pretty fucking catchy one s at that. and the grooves do tend to stick with you. To most who read this blog this is going to feel more like pop than metal, but genre be damned they are good at what they do. This year what they do is better than every one else in the same sonic zip code.


 https://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2019/04/new-years-day-unbreakable.html

Steel Panther : " Heavy Metal Rules" .

Not the first time I have reviewed these guys before, so you might know how i feel about the kind of music they are parodying. The lyrics are clever , but I need good songs as well. They delivered that on their last album. This one is a little more dialed in, but there are moments where they kick ass for cock rock. "Let's Get High Tonight" being one of those. By "Always be a Ho" the lyrics are silly but their song writing manages to compensate. To be called "Heavy Metal Rules"  "I am Not Your Bitch" is the first more metal song. The bulk of their sound like hard rock heavily influenced by Van Halen and lyrically Faster Pussycat. There is a really awesome riff leading into the solo. "Fuck Everybody" is funny lyrically, but the lyrics are cumbersome, which seems to be a trend for this album.

There is a bluesy hint to the title track. There is a little more of a metal touch to the verse riff than they normally use. There is a darker tension to the riff leading into the guitar solo. They are definitely using a formula to write with , but the riffs leading into the solos are seem to be golden. The riff to "Sneaky Little Bitch " reminds me of "Dancing Days". Considering this band it is Led Zeppelin through a filter of Whitesnake. The choruses have been underwhelming , but it is dialed in for this song. Normally this kind of party rock , would be too happy for me. The power balls "Gods Of Pussy" needed some fine tuning lyrically as it is heavy handed and something I would have taken more seriously when I was 15.  Once again the charisma of their songs makes this work even with these silly lyrics. .

I had to listen to the ballad " I Ain't Buying What You Are Selling". . It's alright, a decent song that doesn't really go above and beyond. This album is really well produced. They are once again doing a great job of capturing the feel of 80s hair rock. I will give this album a 9, mainly due to how good they are at what they do even if this is not the band's most inspired effort. Perhaps in time this will not grow on me and it might only be an 8.5, but that is my initial reaction to this one.

The Top 10 Mainstream Metal Albums of 2017

Mainstream is not to imply that these bands sold out, in most cases, but rather they fall some where in the middle of the road. Genres that are not extreme enough to get their own list. So things like the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, Hair Metal, Power Metal, Pagan Metal all fall within this . Most of the albums were ranked due in accordance to how much I actually listened to them. In order to obtain this I referred to my Last Fm page after synching it to my iPod over the course of the year. This year I added a brief blip to help explain what factored into the ranking that might have inspired me to listen to one band more than another.

10-Beastmaker - "Inside the Skull"

On their first album it didn't feel like there was a much Sabbath worship as what goes down here. The slight Dax Riggs inflection in the vocals is now more of a Ozzy like whine. Not in the same tenor register as Ozzy, but the phrasing is similar . This time around there is more weight in the Sabbath like punch they are packing.Seems like the guitar solos have been dialed up on this album as the band gets more adventurous. I did not like this one as much as their previous album, but it is certainly good enough to make this list.

 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/05/beastmaker-inside-skull.html

9-Hanging Garden - "I Am Become"


Goth metal is a term that makes you think of either Type O Negative or something like Theater of Tragedy. There are a few shades lighter and darker than are romantic or elegant enough to warrant that title. This gloomy band from Helsinki has returned to create some sounds that come closer to the Theater of Tragedy side of the coin. Finland seems to be the breeding ground for goth inflected metal. So these guys might be named after a Cure song , but they are less flowery than most. I suppose an ex-death metal band who now mainly works with melody like November's Doom might be a good reference point, as they do lapse back into the death metal vocals, though are more often more melodic than not when doing so. These guys offered up more solid songs than the almost disappointing Beastmaker album.

http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/10/gothtober-hanging-garden-i-am-become.html

8-Steel Panther- "Lower the Bar" 


These guys are more of a parody, but in the process make some good music by mistake. It opens with a some what subtle ode to anal sex. There have more similarities of Bon Jovi  and Van Halen's more metal moments than anyone else. While they are a parody of the big hair school of metal I listened to in adolescent they are still clever song writers. The lyrics to "Anything Goes" are funny, but I am not sure this is the same level of songwriting that they show on the first song. They were fun and clever enough to beat out Hanging Garden's more morose approach when it comes to song writing and I typical go for more morose.

http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/03/steel-panther-lower-bar.html

7-Corrosion of Conformity- No Cross No Crown


Pepper Keenan is not the original vocalist, but sang on their first full blown metal album "Blind" . It Open with a bigger sound than they had on "Blind" which lets be fair, has to be the album we weight this against. They do have more of a Metallica sound now. "Cast the First Stone" brings this to a more aggressive rock place, with blues tinged guitar solos.this album exceeded my expectations. It might not be  "Blind" , but it is still  pretty solid.and has enough soul to it's grooves to beat out Steel Panther.

 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/12/corrosion-of-conformity-no-cross-no.html

6-Dool -There Then


This  album that carries the torch of the Devil's Blood in a much different way than expected, It features the former drummer and bassist from the Devils Blood, so why no buzz? Not really trying to replicate the sound of the Devils Blood. The ten minute opener is certainly less retro. It also feels a little darker and their singer has more of a modern rock radio friendly voice. The guitars don't sound like they are running through Orange Amps.Of all the albums on the list this might be the least heavy , but it makes up for it in dynamic songwriting which is why it beats out

http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/12/catching-up-with-2017-dool-here-now.html

5-L.A. Guns- the Missing Peace"

 In the early metal years, LA Guns was one of the few hair metal bands that was actually metal instead of pop with guitars. Their first two albums are awesome, and they have been hit or miss from there. This album surprised me with the fact that they sound better than Guns N Roses these days. Phil Lewis' voice sounds terrific.The opening track is more aggressive than expected. This renewed fire to their sound is why they beat out Dool.


 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/10/la-guns-missing-peace.html

4-Enslaved- "M"

These guys used to be one of my favorite metal bands then they drifted too far out into Opeth territory and lost some of their bite. This doesn't change the fact they are great musicians and slayed it when I saw them live. They meander into the opener, with granted cool guitar tones , but it goes to show some off the fat could have been trimmed off it. Clean vocals are the first two show. Though the scowling growl does chime in to remind you they are metal. This album is great because it finds them forgetting about the Opeth aspirations and moving back into the kind of epic heaviness that beats out C.O.C.

http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/10/enslaved-e.html

3- Myrkur -"Mareridt"


t first blast beat you might expect this just to be same kind of black metal that we heard on her debut full length, this is not the case. There is an even greater blending of folk and ambiance in the songs ebb and flow. There is a darker tone to "the Serpent" that builds tension , with her singing with a more sultry manner that holds a sexuality not explored in her previous work. Production wise the vocals are going through a distorted filter, but this more spacious, without feeling pretentious and overblown, however not the kind of lo-fi affair fans of black metal might prefer. This is not always black metal. Get ready for this,  sometimes this album is not metal at all.It is heavy enough to be on this list and while it is not as heavy as the new Enslaved it does have a wider range which is why I got more play time out of it and it beat out Enslaved.

 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/09/myrkur-mareridt.html

2-Spirit Adrift- "Curse of Conception"

 When this album started in reminded me more of In Solitude, than the band's previous work as there seemed to be more of a longing in the wail of the vocals. Typical this album gallops along at much more of an uptempo charge than doom to lead them more in the direction of NWOBHM bands. The twin guitar harmonies further enforce this.The guitar tones are incredibly produced and make this sound like it is a lost classic from the 80s which vaults them over Myrkur.

 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/09/spirit-adrift-curse-of-conception.html

1-Gwar - "Blood of Gods" 

 The elephant in the room becomes their strength. Blothar the new singer, is the old Beefcake the Mighty taking on a new mantel. So they promoted from within. I can deal with this better than if it was some new guy they just brought in.The new sound took getting used to even though, he did handle the vocals on the song "Nice Place to Park". So his voice is not totally alien. He has a more Blackie Lawless like metal quality. This album needed a few listens before I could connect the changes.  It with a much more straight ahead metal feel in the vein of mid 80s thrash. Each listen connected the dot a little more until it raised it sword in victory over bands like Spirit Adrift.

 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/09/gwar-blood-of-gods.html

Top 10 Rock Albums of 2017 ...so far

It's that time again as the year continues to fly by, for us to look at what they top ten rock albums of the year so far are. These are a wide jumble of varied genres that have one thing in common...they aren't metal. We have hard rock, indie rock, math rock, cock rock etc...they are ranked according to what Last FM said I listened to the most. So here you go.. If you wanna hear more just click onto the link to the full review of the album.

10 - Cherry Glazer- "Apocalypstick"

 Here is a wacky indie rock band that works best off best clever, though they can build into a more punk infused punch on the opener "Told You I'd Be With the Guys". The lyrics are just as smart as the arrangements especially on "Trash People". This album is sonic and compelling indie rock that's familiar in some ways , but they are very much their own person.

 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/03/cherry-glazerr-apocalipstick.html

 

  9-Elder - "Reflections of a Floating World"

 The Boston stoner rock band is back. This is their third album. The guitar heroics really take the spot light three and half minutes in. The layered production is very lush and it's clear these guys are not far removed from progressive rock. Six minutes in and you are getting more surreal passages no quite Pink Floyd like in their trippy endeavors , but a slight hint they are wanting to steer the ship in that direction. They punch back in strong and you can already tell this album is going to be filled with interesting guitar tones.As a whole this album might no be 100 percent my thing , but I can appreciate where they are going here and can hear how talented they are.

 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/06/elder-reflections-of-floating-world.html

8-The Cloud Nothings- Life Without sound

It’s comforting to know that one of the scenes biggest indie rock band’s actually knows how to rock. They open the album with a more reflective tone that cruises  on smooth melodies, but by the second song they remind you that indie rock has punk roots. There is enough of a jangle to take you back to the days band's like the Replacements held a place on college radio. If you are too young and missed the boat on the first two Weezer albums or Jimmy Eat World’s early work, then these guys have got you covered. This is indie rock that knows where it came from and adds it’s own flavors.">




7-Steel Panther- "Lower the Bar" 

 Hair metal ...cock rock or whatever you want to call the metal from the 80's that held a glam tinge and packed arenas, is what Steel Panther is. These guys are more of a parody, but in the process make some good music by mistake.

http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/03/steel-panther-lower-bar.html

6-King Woman - "Created in the Image of Suffering"

The dream like haze cast over the doom-gaze of the band's debut full length has grown thicker than what  we found on their previous ep. This album hits a sweet spot for me,  once again proving you don't have to adhere to the typical trappings of metal in order to be heavy. Blues bubbles under the simmering cauldron of hypnotic riffs. Overall this album starts off with a dreamier coating and wakes into a more grounded powerhouse..Kristina's vocals pull the songwriting together and making it an album you’ll dig deeper into with repeat listens

. http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/02/king-woman-image-of-suffering.html

5-Crystal Fairy - s/t Holy shit! I had le Butcherettes confused with the Ravonettes going into this because this chick can fucking belt it out with rock god size balls, I know she is from Bosnian Rainbows but it didn't all click now.At times it feels like Rasputina as a punk band, but overall it rocks pretty solidly and this reminds me I need to give it more listens. http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/02/crystal-fairy-st.html

4- Mastodon - "Emperor of Sand" Living in Atlanta it's hard to gauge just how big of a deal a new album from Mastodon is outside of the microcosm here. It feels like more of a fully realized vision that the past two albums.Overall this might be the band's best album since "Crack the Skye" so it made the much envied trip over to my iPod and then I will see how it stands the test of time. Some of the songs that didn't hook me in as strongly as the groovier poppier numbers still have room to grow on me. http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/03/mastodon-emperor-of-sand.html

3- Gold- "Optimist"

 The Dutch band is back with more introspection to the gloom. The singer has really stepped up her game on this collection of more refined rock songs that succeeds in being sonically heavy without being metal.This one is still growing on me , but has gotten a generous share of repeat listens.

 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/05/gold-optimist.html

2-Royal Thunder- "Wick"

There are metal influences under the surface but this is not a metal album. By the album's third act it becomes obvious they have remembered who they are and what they should be doing. The album comes to a close with 'We Never Fell Asleep". There is a dagger like quality to how the lyrics are spit out on this one and they gain some punch as the song progresses.   Overall this one shows the band growing away from who they where and that takes some adjustment if you are invested in their old sound,but is worth the trip.

 http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/03/royal-thunder-wick.html

 1- Minus the Bear - Voids

ts been awhile since I have caught up with Minus the Bear around 2004 they were one of my favorite bands. The last album I owned by the was 2007's "Planet of Ice" so it's been a decade since they were really on my radar. In that time frame they have releases a few more albums, I felt with "Planet of Ice" that the song writing was not as focused as the first album. Things have changed and there is a better balance. Overall the dream like qualties to these songs is very thoughtful and makes this album carry a lot of depth as well as being a fun ride for casual iPod listening and makes me want to go back and see what I might have missed out on from these guys. This marks a return to the band I want them to be. http://abysmalhymns.blogspot.com/2017/05/minus-bear-voids.html

Steel Panther : " Lower the Bar"

Hair metal ...cock rock or whatever you want to call the metal from the 80's that held a glam tinge and packed arenas, is what Steel Panther is.