The Cruel Intentions : "Venomous Anonymous:

Why the fact Lizzy from the Vains of Jenna went on the form this band go under my radar? Not that I actively seek out a ton of hair metal. I grew up listening to this sort of thing in 80s until I found music that was heavier. Two songs in an I can say I prefer the grittier edge the Vains of Jenna has as this very big and polished in comparison.  Though major chords aside some of this grit is restored on "Sunrise on the Sunset Strip", despite this song being for all practical purposes their version of Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night". On second listen the album opener does grow on me and packs enough punch to be called metal. It is not as dark as the Vains of Jenna. The backing vocals give the title track too much of a Bon Jovi feel. When it came to hair metal, Bon Jovi and Poison were the bands I cared for the least, probably because they were not metal at all. This band works better when they lean more into the Faster Pussycat side of what they do. 

For "Casket Case" to tackle the topic of his toxic addiction the mood is more like joyous pop punk. Granted they do not push the pop part of the equation too far.  "Kerosene" has more traditional metal elements in play, though think the Scorpions rather than their edgier British peers. He sings in Swedish on "Salt i Ditt Sar".  It works for this song, which rides the middle of the road in terms of AOR rock of that time. The guitar gets harder on "Final Deathroll", but the vocals seem to still be full of pep despite Lizzy's raspy tenor. There is a Pat Benatar like feel to "Goddamn Monday". I think a few less vocals harmonizing on the chorus might be for the best, but even this version works.  

"Bad Vibes" is the first song that feels like filler in comparison to the other songs. They rock out in a way on "Chemical Vacation " that makes up for this. "City of Lice: pretty much circles what they have been doing up to this point, no new ground broken sonically.  I will give this album a 9 as they care about the songs, despite playing it safe in the more radio-oriented direction of this genre, but pull it off really well, as there is no doubt that Lizzy is a great talent. 

The TOP 40 Hair Metal Albums of All Time

I know this is not a genre most of you associate with me. It is one that I grew up with and many of the bands I still hold dear today dabbled in at some point in time, When the 80s were ranging I was not listening to the Cure, I did not get my interest peaked in them til 1990. I listened to music heavier and darker than this in the 80s for sure, but this was the sound of chasing girls at the mall and smoking pot in my cousins car.  I choose 40 since many of these acts represent a time when this kind of music cracked the top 40 . It was a time when MTV began to dominate so image became every thing. Many of these band would put out album that were not metal at all, nor would I consider them metal bands. Granted most are on the low end of the heavy scale, with a few evolvoing into something heavier. I will make a Top 40 Glam Rock albums of all time to clearly contrast the difference, glam rock being more in the vein of Bowie and T-REX. Yes, some of these artists also crossed over into glam , but hair metal has a more cock rocking flair to it and is less androgynous.

These albums are  more about doing cocaine and getting pussy, devoid of any political correctness, none of this would fly in 2020. It would get a hastag for sure. Any this list should speak for itself, in some cases it might not be the most popular album or the album that broke the band through , but the album I feel has the best songs when it comes to hair metal. Remember that as some of these bands have better heavy metal albums, but we are talking about the best to tease your hair up and get a blow job to. So here are the top 40 hair metal albums of all time.



40- Helix- "Long Way to Heaven" 1985 

 Unlike some of the albums that might crop up sooner than later, This album is the defining of the hair metal sound and was released right in the thick of it before it blew up and jocks were crusing in their Camaros to it.


 


39-Extreme - "s/t" 1989

These guys might have dripped with cheese , but are tremendous musicians and were at the more creative fringe of the genre.

 




 38-Kix- "Blow My Fuse" 1988

 Spoiler alert AC/DC are not on this list as they stayed pretty blues rock based , but they influenced the genre for sure. This is one band where you can hear that influence. This album is solidified on this list thanks to the powerful ballad ' Don't Close Your Eyes" from this album.


 


 37-Vains of Jenna - "Lit up/ Let Down" 2006 


 Yeah, I am including the hair metal revival bands from the Myspace days on here too. Some of them like this band, captured the feeling of the 80s in a real way.

 


 36-Steel Panther- "Lower the Bar"  2017

Yes you saw that right this is an album that came out only three years ago. It is also the first album written well enough by this band to make me take them seriously.Their last album did not retain my interest , but this one was on our 10 hard rock albums of the decade list.





 35-Pantera - "Power Metal" 1988 

 Before they were cowboys from hell , these dude were less fucking hostile and had their hair piled as high as the epic yodelling on this album.


 



34-the Darkness - "Permisson to Land"  2003



There is an odd new wave side to the best songs on this album, but they made an impressive attempt to kick their foot on the monitors for the bulk of the album.



 


 33-Shotgun Messiah- "s/t" -1989 


 This Swedish band boasts Tim Skold who went on to play with KMFDM and Marilyn Manson... see how things are coming full circle ?



 



32-Love / Hate-"Black Out in the Red Room" 1990



 Before alternative become a mainstream concept, these guy began to blend elements out of the norm like funk into what they did.



 



31- Bang Tango- "Psycho Cafe"



 Yeah psychedelic hair metal was a thing. These guys blended elements of the Cult into an AC/DC like attack. The shriek of Joe Leste painted them into this corner of metal.