Given the state of the music press these days, the Press creates an echo chamber, from which they willingly cuck for the music industry. They will undoubtedly sing the praises for this album since it supports the narrative they want to promote. Any idiot with half a brain should be aware of the fact Beyonce did not get to where she is today without being a puppet for the music industry. Who is at least trying to work off the press it got for Lil Nas X. If you think any of this was her idea, you are so naive the rest of this review might be a harsh wake-up call for you. The fact that there are 21 songwriters and 13 different producers pushing this album off the assembly, says almost everything about the product I am diving into It opens with a multitracked chorus. When Beyoncee emerges from this we get a heavily doctored vocal. Musically it's more organic than what we normally get from her. More Gospel-influenced than country. Her cover of "Black Bird" is about as country as Stevie Wonder is country. But people these days are not educated musically enough to remember a time when R&B was played with actual instruments, and not just homogenized pop from its post- Micheal Jackson era.
We get more gospel on "16 Carriages" which moves with the cadence of an old slave-gospel. Her vocal line does nothing different from normal over singing. Just singing about horses does not make something country. Genres of music like country or soul are technically defined by their relationship to pentatonic major and minor scales. The black notes on the piano. "My Rose" is another over-produced vocal performance, and surprisingly for a pop song lacking in hooks. At under a minute, it's only an idea of a song rather than a fully formed one."Texas Hold'em" is the first song that comes close to sounding country, though Beyonce's voice lacks any of the twang, and she proves incapable of working country intervals into her vocal line, she might not even be able to read music, and much like funk, you can't fake it. Also using words like hoe-down does not make things country either. It's doubtful she has ever headed to a dive bar. It took five other songwriters and six producers for this one song.
"Bodyguard" sounds like something Prince recorded and then deleted because after a couple listens he decided it was not even up to the second-tier standards he set for himself when writing for TLC. Her cover of "Jolene" made me wonder back in the day why she did not consult with Whitney Houston about what it takes to cover a Dolly Parton song, as changing the words and double tracking as many harmonies as you can because you can't belt it out is not the answer. "Daughter' is boring even when it rips off 'Caro Mio Ben". She tries her best to sound like Cardi B on "Spaghetti", and becomes a reminder of how unfocused this album is.it is the sound of her producers throwing things against the wall to see what sticks.
"Alligator Tears' is another song that shows gospel is what she gets when goes for country music. The guitar sounds more like "Wanted Dead or Alive". She pads the album with songs like 'Just For Fun' which is more in her wheelhouse, even with the guitar being mixed marginally higher. But it's a boring ballad, that was in the Columbia Records slush pile. I would rather hear Miley cover "Landslide" than what she does here with Beyonce, as their voices have no chemistry together. Miley's verses work well though. "Levi Jeans" might have worked better as a 30-second commercial for the actual jeans. Not Post Malone's best work either. The Shawntoni Nichols penned "'Flamenco" could not be more bland if they tried. Another example of how her voice needs to hide behind overdubs.
"Ya Ya" is musically a mash-up of "These Boots Were Made For Walking" and "Good Vibrations". It has a 60s should feel, but is another jumbled mess of a song compositionally. "Oh Lousiana" is a cover of Chuck Berry's song of the same name, that has been changed enough so that they do not have to pay his estate. It is only under a minute of the song, which is pretty pointless. "Desert Eagle" is another interlude that I am not going to count for the purpose of this review as it's an even more incomplete creative thought. 'Riverdance" is more like what she normally does just with more guitar. In terms of songwriting, I am shocked that a pop artist of her notoriety was allowed to release garbage like this.
The most redeeming quality of "Hands 2 Heaven" is that it samples Underworld's "Born Slippy". It's another mess of a song. It sounds like she is trying to be Taylor Swift, mixed with her normal pop with a less urban lyrical environment. Dolly Parton offers a few words for "Tyrant", but aside from that it's the studio padding this with the safe bets. "Sweet Honey Buckin" is a half-hearted attempt to cover "I Fall to Pieces" without the scrutiny that would come with actually committing to it. "Amen" is a boring gospel. No surprise. I will give this album a 6, it benefits, from at least ripping off good music, and is well-produced. It would have been easy for Columbia Records to have just had her bust out another album of the same old same old so it's an interesting marketing move but given Lil Nas X's 15 minutes of fame, it's not a surprising one. If it were to come out that the board of Columbia Records, used AI to write what a Beyonce country album would sound like, and tweaked their prompts for it to hedge their bets in a direction that would appeal to her fan base, it would make perfect sense.
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