The Top 40 Hair Metal Albums of All Time - 10-1

This might not be  genre most of you associate with me. It is one  I grew up with.Many of these albums I still hold dear today . When the 80s were ranging I was not listening to the Cure, I did not get my interest peaked in them til 1990. I listened to music heavier and darker than this in the 80s for sure, but this was the sound of chasing girls at the mall and smoking pot in my cousins car.  I choose 40 since many of these acts represent a time when this kind of music cracked the top 40 . It was a time when MTV began to dominate so image became every thing. Many of these band would put out album that were not metal at all, nor would I consider them metal bands. Granted most are on the low end of the heavy scale, with a few evolvoing into something heavier. I will make a Top 40 Glam Rock albums of all time to clearly contrast the difference, glam rock being more in the vein of Bowie and T-REX. Yes, some of these artists also crossed over into glam , but hair metal has a more cock rocking flair to it and is less androgynous.

These albums are  more about doing cocaine and getting pussy, devoid of any political correctness, none of this would fly in 2020. It would get a hastag for sure. Any this list should speak for itself, in some cases it might not be the most popular album or the album that broke the band through , but the album I feel has the best songs when it comes to hair metal. Remember that as some of these bands have better heavy metal albums, but we are talking about the best to tease your hair up and get a blow job to. So here are the top 10 hair metal albums of all time.


10-Ozzy Osbourne - "No Rest For the Wicked" 1988 

 He was headed in the hair metal direction on "Bark at the Moon" , but fully commits on this album . "Tattooed Dancer" being the most cock rocked out moment. But it's Ozzy and Zakk played with so much fire on this album that it overshadows this.


 


9-Cinderella -" Night Songs" 1986


 This album came out at the same time as "Look What the Cat Dragged in" and proved to be the better of the two albums. They did everything Poison did with more balls and darker.

 







8-Ratt -"Dancing Undercover" 1986

 Yeah, "Out of the Cellar" put them on the map. This album has higher energy and builds off what they are best at. It was actually a tougher call between this and "Invasion of Your Privacy".


 







7-LA Guns- "Cocked and Loaded" 1989


 More punch than sex action. These guys always felt more believable than many of the other bands trying to be tough bikers while looking like women. "Rip & Tear" is a fucking mean song too.


 







6-Lizzy Borden- "Visual Lies" 1987



 One of the most under rated bands from this era. He has a great voice and adds a darkside to his getting pussy songs.


 






5 -Skid Row- "Slave to the Grind" - 1991



 They avoid the sophomore slump by getting heavier. There is more to these song than just the big hooky choruses that ruled the first album and put more emphasis on metal than hair.



 






 4- Kiss - "Animalize" - 1984


 Hair metal for Kiss was ... well they are pretty much the godfathers of it as most bands on this list would not exsist without them. This album pretty much speaks for it self the best of their Desmond Child era albums.


 





3-Queensyrche- "Operation Mindcrime" 1988


 Ok, it's somewhat proggy hair metal. Most bands of their kind were not as ambitious and this albums is a piure masterpiece and could have been number one if not fur the next three albums.


 




2-Guns N Roses- Appetite For Destruction"1987


This album is number tow because I do not like "Paradise City' and the number one album I like
every song. But this is still a classic.

.




1-Motley Crue- "Shout at the Devil" 1983

Flawless front to back. They were still standing their ground as a heavy metal band and had an aire of danger to them.




 

the Top 40 Hair Metal Albums of All Time - 20 to 11

This might not be  genre most of you associate with me. It is one t I grew up with.Many of these s I still hold dear today . When the 80s were ranging I was not listening to the Cure, I did not get my interest peaked in them til 1990. I listened to music heavier and darker than this in the 80s for sure, but this was the sound of chasing girls at the mall and smoking pot in my cousins car.  I choose 40 since many of these acts represent a time when this kind of music cracked the top 40 . It was a time when MTV began to dominate so image became every thing. Many of these band would put out album that were not metal at all, nor would I consider them metal bands. Granted most are on the low end of the heavy scale, with a few evolvoing into something heavier. I will make a Top 40 Glam Rock albums of all time to clearly contrast the difference, glam rock being more in the vein of Bowie and T-REX. Yes, some of these artists also crossed over into glam , but hair metal has a more cock rocking flair to it and is less androgynous.

These albums are  more about doing cocaine and getting pussy, devoid of any political correctness, none of this would fly in 2020. It would get a hastag for sure. Any this list should speak for itself, in some cases it might not be the most popular album or the album that broke the band through , but the album I feel has the best songs when it comes to hair metal. Remember that as some of these bands have better heavy metal albums, but we are talking about the best to tease your hair up and get a blow job to. So here are the top 40 hair metal albums of all time.

20-Dokken- "Under Lock and Key" 1985

This album crossed the band over into hair metal. Before this they had a harder edge. This one was more polished thanks to the slick production. They are sadly under rated band. Top notch songwriting is their strength along with George Lynch's guitar.




19-Buckcherry- "15" 2005

This one might not love the cocaine as much , but overall the songwriting is better.





18-Dangerous Toys- "s/t" 1989 



 Marketed like a poor man's Guns n Roses, these guys were harder than most with an AC/DC like energy and more snarl to the vocals.


 


17- Spinal Tap- "This is Spinal Tap"


How much black can it get? the answer is none. When other bands are stuck at 10 with no where else to go these guys went to 11.




16-Twisted Sister- "Love is For Suckers"1987 

 Generally this band is glam metal, but not hair metal as they owe more to Alice Cooper. This album still had an edge but swinging for the hair sprayed arenas. Even then Dee Snider has a great deal of balls to his voice always giving them more of an edge.


 



15-Faster Pussycat-"Whipped" 1992


 I know this as none of their "Hits" , but it's a better album than their first two. They had more solid songs that allowed them to transition from just being hair sprayed whores of the sun set strip.



 



14-Def  Leppard -- "Pyromania" 1983


 It was a tough call between this album and "Hysteria" I think this album is more defining of haire metal, where there is less metal to "Hysteria" and more pop.


 


13-AFI - "Black Sails in the Sunset" 


 Plenty of punk bands crossed over into hair metal, Discharge and TSOL among them. This album just feels more like something LA Guns might have done and while it retains a great deal of the punk in it's dna, there are plenty of 8os moments.


 



12 Alice In Chains "Facelift" 1990 


 If you can not admit this album is hair metal you have never really listend past "Man in the Box".



 


11- Lita Ford- " Lita" 1988



 The songwriting on this album gives her this spot. It is almost to slickly produced and would sound better without some of these cheese ball keyboards, but they can't hold these songs back.



 

The Top 40 Hair Metal albums of All Time : 30- 21

This might not be  genre most of you associate with me. It is one t I grew up with.Many of these s I still hold dear today . When the 80s were ranging I was not listening to the Cure, I did not get my interest peaked in them til 1990. I listened to music heavier and darker than this in the 80s for sure, but this was the sound of chasing girls at the mall and smoking pot in my cousins car.  I choose 40 since many of these acts represent a time when this kind of music cracked the top 40 . It was a time when MTV began to dominate so image became every thing. Many of these band would put out album that were not metal at all, nor would I consider them metal bands. Granted most are on the low end of the heavy scale, with a few evolvoing into something heavier. I will make a Top 40 Glam Rock albums of all time to clearly contrast the difference, glam rock being more in the vein of Bowie and T-REX. Yes, some of these artists also crossed over into glam , but hair metal has a more cock rocking flair to it and is less androgynous.

These albums are  more about doing cocaine and getting pussy, devoid of any political correctness, none of this would fly in 2020. It would get a hastag for sure. Any this list should speak for itself, in some cases it might not be the most popular album or the album that broke the band through , but the album I feel has the best songs when it comes to hair metal. Remember that as some of these bands have better heavy metal albums, but we are talking about the best to tease your hair up and get a blow job to. So here are the top 40 hair metal albums of all time.



30-Hurricane- "Over the Edge"

One of the most under rated bands from this genre. Kelly Hansen who is the current singer of Foreigner can outsing David Coverdale any day of the week.






29-White Lion- "Big Game" <- 1989="" a="" ait="" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" big="" blues="" but="" doesn="" door="" down="" for="" frameborder="0" game="" go="" have="" height="315" iframe="" ig="" it="" like="" more="" of="" opened="" organic="" single="" sound.="" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/AkLzfk7LXCI" t="" the="" them="" tinged="" to="" width="560">


This album did not have a big single like "Wait". It did open the doors to a more diverse array of sounds that are more organic and blues based to prompt you to take them a little more seriously as a band.


 



28-Celtic Frost- "the Cold Lake 1988

 This album gets weird in more ways than just the hair supply on the band that went onto inlfuence black metal, There are also rap elements. It might highlight Tom Warrior's lack of vocal skills, but the songs are pretty good if you are not expecting "Circle of the Tyrants" .




27- Areosmith- "Permanent Vacation" 1987 

 These guys were a bigger influence on hair metal than they were an acutal hair metal band , but they gave into commerical pressure with this one, but it's a goof fucking album for what it is.



 



26- Whitesnake "s/t" 1987 

 They took it to a mainstream audience, but aside from the Micheal Bolton like powerballads there are some pretty cool songs.

 



25- Fastaway- "Trick or Treat" soundtrack 1986

 Dave King sang on this album which made a difference. Darker than your average hair metal ,it was in more of the zipcode of WASP.


 


24-WASP- "Inside the Electric Circus" 1986 


 These guys were more of a straight up metal ,band a while this album does have some of these qualitites it was slicker production wise and more anthemic when it came to the choruses and it was no mistake.


 



23-Alice Cooper - "Trash"



I always wondered if this was his idea or pressure from the label ? Alice doesn't have a bad album, and like Areosmith was leady a huge infleunce on the genre.


 


22- Warrior Soul-"God Drugs and the New Republic" 1991

I saw these guys open for Danzig and Soungarden when this album came out and went out and bought it the next day. Way ahead of their time, they bridged the coming gap between hair metal and alternative/.



 21-David Lee Roth- "Eat'em and Smile" 1986

 This album Dave proved he could hold his own without Van Halen which was a huge feat. His monster band with Steve Vai made this possible.
 

The TOP 40 Hair Metal Albums of All Time

I know this is not a genre most of you associate with me. It is one that I grew up with and many of the bands I still hold dear today dabbled in at some point in time, When the 80s were ranging I was not listening to the Cure, I did not get my interest peaked in them til 1990. I listened to music heavier and darker than this in the 80s for sure, but this was the sound of chasing girls at the mall and smoking pot in my cousins car.  I choose 40 since many of these acts represent a time when this kind of music cracked the top 40 . It was a time when MTV began to dominate so image became every thing. Many of these band would put out album that were not metal at all, nor would I consider them metal bands. Granted most are on the low end of the heavy scale, with a few evolvoing into something heavier. I will make a Top 40 Glam Rock albums of all time to clearly contrast the difference, glam rock being more in the vein of Bowie and T-REX. Yes, some of these artists also crossed over into glam , but hair metal has a more cock rocking flair to it and is less androgynous.

These albums are  more about doing cocaine and getting pussy, devoid of any political correctness, none of this would fly in 2020. It would get a hastag for sure. Any this list should speak for itself, in some cases it might not be the most popular album or the album that broke the band through , but the album I feel has the best songs when it comes to hair metal. Remember that as some of these bands have better heavy metal albums, but we are talking about the best to tease your hair up and get a blow job to. So here are the top 40 hair metal albums of all time.



40- Helix- "Long Way to Heaven" 1985 

 Unlike some of the albums that might crop up sooner than later, This album is the defining of the hair metal sound and was released right in the thick of it before it blew up and jocks were crusing in their Camaros to it.


 


39-Extreme - "s/t" 1989

These guys might have dripped with cheese , but are tremendous musicians and were at the more creative fringe of the genre.

 




 38-Kix- "Blow My Fuse" 1988

 Spoiler alert AC/DC are not on this list as they stayed pretty blues rock based , but they influenced the genre for sure. This is one band where you can hear that influence. This album is solidified on this list thanks to the powerful ballad ' Don't Close Your Eyes" from this album.


 


 37-Vains of Jenna - "Lit up/ Let Down" 2006 


 Yeah, I am including the hair metal revival bands from the Myspace days on here too. Some of them like this band, captured the feeling of the 80s in a real way.

 


 36-Steel Panther- "Lower the Bar"  2017

Yes you saw that right this is an album that came out only three years ago. It is also the first album written well enough by this band to make me take them seriously.Their last album did not retain my interest , but this one was on our 10 hard rock albums of the decade list.





 35-Pantera - "Power Metal" 1988 

 Before they were cowboys from hell , these dude were less fucking hostile and had their hair piled as high as the epic yodelling on this album.


 



34-the Darkness - "Permisson to Land"  2003



There is an odd new wave side to the best songs on this album, but they made an impressive attempt to kick their foot on the monitors for the bulk of the album.



 


 33-Shotgun Messiah- "s/t" -1989 


 This Swedish band boasts Tim Skold who went on to play with KMFDM and Marilyn Manson... see how things are coming full circle ?



 



32-Love / Hate-"Black Out in the Red Room" 1990



 Before alternative become a mainstream concept, these guy began to blend elements out of the norm like funk into what they did.



 



31- Bang Tango- "Psycho Cafe"



 Yeah psychedelic hair metal was a thing. These guys blended elements of the Cult into an AC/DC like attack. The shriek of Joe Leste painted them into this corner of metal.