Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Grammys Your Anti-Metal

I originally wrote this blog for Hiplanta, a blog you can check out as I a, one of the staff writers and cover more than the darker fare I devote my attention to here, for Abysmal Hymns I can elaborate on a few things mainly the Lamentations of metal head who cry that metal doesn't get a fare shake at the Grammys for this I say ... Who cares

Being embraced by mainstream media is false. If you are concerned with how the public precieves metal...you are false , you are a poseur. Metal is about telegraphing your middle finger to the rest of the world because it's us against them. Does that mean we can't listen to other forms of music...of course not look at what I cover here, but it means you like metal no matter if it's in fashion or not and could care less about getting the approval of any one even your family. My family knows I love metal, it's just a fact like I have black hair and I'm six feet tall, just like my tattoos it's not going anywhere. So with that in mind proceed.

The Grammys' first rock category was in 1979 and Paul McCartney won, so it's a celebration of all the music I skip past on the radio. So it happened to be playing at a friend of mines house last night and I gave it a eye with the attitude of I'm watching all the people whose faces I see on the cover of the magazines while I'm in line at the grocery store. I had seen a memo went out to attendees that this years' dress code was no nip slips , side boobs or plumbers crack, though this left many with the hopes for a camel toe, which was sadly absent. So with that in mind the big winner of the evening for "Best pop duo " went to Katy Perry, if Kat Dennings hadn't been wrapped up like a Christmas present things might have been different.

The new trend on the red carpet was the Ms. Piggy , popularized by Adelle, Kelly Clarkston and half the blond female Country singers, So I was disappointed none of the acceptance speech did not start with a surprised, " Who muuuuaahhhh?" Though the purse did fall from from the mouth of Fun's singer and former Format vocalist upon the omens of their big win. The gay Freemasonry was in full effect, with most of the gangster rappers who took the stage looking to be the most criminally on the down, though I'm sure thre were aplenty of secret hand shakes administered to one another back stage. Before you get your drag pantis bunched up, I'm not a homophobe, I would be gay myself but every time I submit my application it gets rejected for having a long history of fisticuffs, dressing like a high school stoner at gym class and having sex with with women, but I feel every one should be true to themselves even if it means not selling albums to teenage girls in Iowa Becuase they are out.

Oh there was "music" being preformed, Justin Timberlake was the highlight which should tell you something asI prefer his work with Lonely Island to his own homo-erotic solo pop. Everything else was boring at best, Rhianna has a great weave but a little sparse in the diary section for me to be entertained . The only artists I give any credit who won or preformed are Gotye and Frank Ocean, the latter I hope gets more attention as he's the only person doing anything creative with R&B these days...see you thought I only knew about metal. Speaking of which Halestrom won best metal and they are basically a Flyleaf tribute band. Do I give a shit that they won, no Becuase the whole thing I a corporate joke that I wouldn't want bands I like to be affiliated with in the first place, though the ones who have seen fit to play this game to record label pressure I understand they have to pay the rent somehow.

I looked up a list of past rock winners and the only past winner I have like are Tool, Nine Inch Nails, Judas Preist,Ozzy/Sabbath and Slayer. I didn't see Iron Maiden's name on their though it looks like Zappa did winsomething for Studio Tan. So a note for next year throw away the dress code and replace e podium with a stripper pole. Also Neil Patrick Harris was the best singer in the building give him a song ...see told you next years application to the gay committee will be strong , now go down load that Frank Ocean, if you are into pop music and I won't begrudge you for it, in fact I plan on doing it , the fact he's a gay man who came out and was like its a lie to keep singing about women is cool to me Becuase , I think everyone must fearlessly follow their own path.

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