Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Norwegian Black Metal vs Vice

"the pretty boy of Norwegian Black Metal?"
Crowned king of  ignorant lard asses Henry Owing made himself troll supreme with his "Death to Norweigan black metal: article for Vice magazine, a publication best used to mop up throat babies at house shows everywhere. He proceded to put  Negative Approach front -man John Brannon on a pedestal. While there is no question musically punk rock is inferior to metal  in every way, I dont' hate punk rock , in fact I really like Discharge a band who Negative Approach aspired to be. So I have  very little use for Negative Approach, since I'd rather listen to the genuine article who  like so many punk bands that learn to play their instruments do  became metal.

Owing who like Vice was late to the party, seems to only reference the more lo-fi element of the early albums and unlike punk rock, the genre has moved on and evolved. You won't find tape hiss on the new Taake album but you will find them shredding on a banjo in the middle of the song.  I know the ability to solo on any instrument is rare on a Negative Approach album is rare considering they don't have the basic grasp of them.

Having never attended the blazing heat of a Wacken Fest, Owing has never seen a band like Immortal or Dimmu in full regailia playing not only the heat but under the stage lights corpse paint be damned or even the basic knowledge even in Norway it gets up into the 90's in July.  

While we are dissecting the arguement  below there's the link to the article . It came out 6 months ago and didn't exactly generate waves on the internet. I do hope this type of thinking as flawed as it is continues to permeate hipster culture and spurn an exodus of  moustached fools out of metal.
1. Brannon and his then girlfriend/junkie pal Larrissa Strickland would routinely have violent fist fights while on stage performing with Laughing Hyenas. They would play the song "Lullabye and Goodnight," and Brannon would grab Larissa by the hair and drag her across the stage. In Columbus, Ohio. Ohio! On a Tuesday! There wouldn't even be anyone in the audience!
so the example of him being a tough guy is beating up his girlfriend ? ...oh really, have him change is tampon once his mangina stops bleeding and get back to us once he has done his 15 years for murdering a grown man. ....and of course no one would be in the audience.
2. Did I mention that Brannon grew up on the streets of Detroit? Yes, the same intense city that spawned Iggy Pop, Mick Collins, and Wayne Kramer. I'd pay a million bucks to empty a bus filled with NBM pantywaists in the Cass Corridor just to watch them get slaughtered like cattle. Fact.

Alice Cooper came from that scene, shared the stage with goes guys and  wore  the first corpsepaint, while Iggy was doing camp drag for David Bowie . Varg's just the average height in Norway at 6'1". I.C.S Vortex is 6' 7" and Ghaal the biggest queen in scene tied up a grown man broke into his house , not his girl friend up and tortured him for hours , so they'll make sure to take Gorgoroth's tour bus.   
3. With John Brannon there's never been a sense of theater. Never a nod to King Diamond. Never a glimmer of make up. Reality seethes from him. Only Gene Simmons would need window dressing to cover up his shortcomings.

Why would you want to listen to Post- Merciful Fate metal that isn't influenced by King Diamond? Kerry King sure wouldn't.
4. John Brannon has never had to make references to Dungeons and Dragons and Lord of the Rings in his music. Seriously, Norway? Toss away your sixteen-sided dice, get your smack on, and then we might begin to take you seriously.

That would require him being able to read, Varg's just wrote a guide to anicent mythology  Brannon can barely write his name .

5. Have you ever actually been to Norway? I have. It's consistently rated as one of the best places in the world to live. Nationalized health care. Affluence. Oh, and did I even mention how racist they are? Well, they are. Additionally, American bands actually have to work for what they get. In Norway? It's subsidized by the government. Don't believe me? Go ask any touring American band why they love going to Europe. It's because the entire continent supports the arts. It's like a full tour of posh US college gigs all in a row. Europeans don't know what it's like getting dirt under their fingernails until they come to America.

The reason it's one of the best places to live comes from the same reason you refer to it as racist, a sense of nationally pride, pride in ones culture, an alien concept to American's who just have a "melting pot" so no cultural convictions. Instead a culture where ignorence and laziness is coddled. While big cities like Oslo,certainly feel like college compared to a slum like Detroit. Considering agriculture is the primary revenue for most of Norway, the country is largely comprised of people who grown and hunt their own food , not roll up to a McDonald's drive thru, so fingers dirty.

6. John Brannon is in this for life. This isn't fashion to him. This isn't something he's doing until he settles down. This ain't no punchline, kid.

The type of conviction in his beliefs that would see him I don't know say ... burn down a church?. Like most punk rockers bitches alot but does nothing.
7. As of the publishing of this piece, at no point has VICE or Scion had their pocketbooks parked up John Brannon's ass. Shocking, I know.

Black metal is alot about money that's why they are like Iggy Pop and have Darkthrone in car commericals and embarassing themselves on American Idol.  

Owing is much more preoccupied with his lurid fantasies of getting fist fucked with a spiked gauntlet to pay attention to actual facts of the matter but such is the life of a troll.

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